Gun Mad American Pratts

Traitor Morgan

Dear Americans,

         Are you all going stark, staring mad? Have you lost your marbles completely? Are you hell bent on committing national suicide by ensuring that everyone has an armoury of guns at their finger tips?

          Are you not a bit concerned about school massacres like the Newtown one where 20 kids and six adults got mowed down by some mad man?

Have you become immune to this kind of thing; because it happens to often that the last thing you want is for anybody to take your most treasured toys away from you? Toys like the AR15 Bushmaster assault rifle that can spray bullets all over the place better than a hose pipe can spray water.

          Ask the Newtown survivors how effective it is?

          In spite of that killing you people are still reluctant to talk about gun control. But, as has been the case after every other similar shooting, you are doing your best to pretend there isn’t a fire arm problem in the US. It’s the mentally disturbed people, who use them that are the problem, and that’s why everybody needs a gun for protection.

         But what you don’t seem to realise is that when it comes to guns you are all in the same boat – totally mentally disturbed. And that boat is busy sinking you all, shot through with a bigger variety of bullets than you might get in any war.

          How else could you describe a nation who rushes out to buy more and more guns like the Bushmaster after a school massacre instead of saying, Enough of the killing, we must get rid of all guns.

          In this climate somebody is bound to go for the record. What will it be – 100 children with one magazine; 500 at two different schools; a thousand, two thousand who knows?

          Britain’s Pier’s Morgan couldn’t believe his ears when he led a discussion on the subject on CNN where he replaced that true blue American, talk show host Larry King two years ago.

The Biggest Pratt of all

          In Britain the cops don’t routinely carry guns and they had a mere 58 people shot last year compared with around 10 000 in the US. So it was hardly surprising that Morgan went ballistic when the appropriately named Larry Pratt, the executive director of Gun Owners of America, gave arming more people as the answer to school massacres.

          What a brilliant idea. Make Annie Get Your Gun compulsory as the theme song at every school with the motto: If you can pick it up you can learn to shoot with it.

          Richard Blumenthal, the Senator for Connecticut, the state where the latest school war zone took place, was as pathetic as everybody else. He began by telling Morgan, "There’s no single solution."

          What utter rubbish; of course there is. Ban all guns.

          The best he could come up with was "Ban assault weapons which everybody knows were designed for military purposes." Well if everybody knows this only those in a loony bin would allow everybody to buy one.

          Morgan’s expose` of the mad house that is America moved on to Texan gun shop owner and instructor Crocket Keller or should it be Killer?  He looks at school shootings as just another opportunity to sell more dangerous weapons and is offering a discount on guns to teachers with this helpful advice. "Every principal should have an AR15 in her office." Preferable one of his of course.

          That’s another great idea, so when he or she is in the toilet some deranged kid with a grudge, who forgot his own one at home, can help himself and blast away around the school.  

He'll need those guns - Top of el-Qaeda's hit list

          Our public spirited Texan wants teachers, nurses and even clergyman armed. Sterilised guns in operating theatres will be next. As he put it, "The name of the game is to have fire power equal to that of the criminals."

          Now that Morgan, a foreigner, has had the temerity to show you up for what you are Alex Jones. The Texas radio host has started a petition to have him kicked out of the country for his "hostile attack on the US Constitution." You would think it was Pearl Harbour all over again the way he’s carrying on.

          Your Bible, the Constitution stipulates in the Second Amendment that everyone has the right to bear arms.

         You would expect a radio host to know that freedom of speech comes under the First Amendment. So that’s how crazy you have all become, when somebody like this, of all people, believes that it is more important to protect gun toting, cowboys rather than free speech.

Morgan's reply

          His petition to the White House already has more than the 25 000 names required to get a response. Another petition last year showed how barmy you people have become when the White House was asked if the government had contact with aliens. They were told there was no evidence that these existed.

          It will be interesting to see what answer our insane journalist and his followers get. How about this? Our scientists have found that there is no cure for ‘mad gun disease’ other than to put down the entire population. So if Morgan has a better idea we should let him try.

          Having the British bobby unarmed has been shown to make Britain a less violent country than in places where the police have guns.

         So anybody who thinks the more guns you have the safer you are, needs his head examined.

          It’s going to be a job getting an AR15 into little Johnnie’s Christmas stocking.

Happy Shooting and a Killing New Year,

          Jon 

P.S. Ha! Ha! Deporting me is not an option. I don’t live in that land of the free of yours, so I can say what I like. 

Obama,Bin Laden and US bungles

Dear Barack Obama, President of the United States of America,

          Can’t you Yanks get your act together? When it comes to the big time in America you contrive to ensure that just about everything turns out to be a monumental bungle that spawns a million mystery theories.

          You can’t even keep your presidents safe so it was hardly surprising that 9/11 occurred.

          In a country notorious for having its presidents taken out your Secret Service or whoever the agency was that was supposed to guard John F. Kennedy allowed him to drive around in an open car. And surprise, surprise in a country where guns of all types are as easily available as sweets the President gets the bullet. Not long afterwards the same thing happens to his brother Bobby who was a Presidential hopeful at the time.

          In both cases nothing was clear cut about the subsequent investigations and the theories multiplied like measles at a kindergarten.

        In the aftermath of 9/ll it became clear that if your intelligence agency, sorry unintelligent agency, had been doing its job properly the people who crashed the planes into those towers would never have got off the ground. God knows they had enough leads to go on to prevent this before it happened.

          Now we have the Bin Bungle. You and your counter terrorist advisers tell the world an ever changing version of what happened when US Navy Seals commandos were supposed to a have shot Osama bin Laden. I would hate to have you guys giving evidence for the defence at my trial.

          How many versions are we going to get Mr President, from the head of the so called most powerful nation in the world. One minute we are told that when the Seals stormed Bin Laden’s fortified compound at Abbottabad where the terrorist mastermind was shot dead, he was armed and resisted capture by using his wife as a shield. Three other men and a woman were also killed in the raid.

          One of three helicopters went down with technical problems. Shouldn’t they have been told not to use secondhand ones on such an important occasion?

          Then after we hear that his 12 year old daughter Safia claimed her father who was unarmed, was taken alive and slaughtered in front of his family Leon Panetta, your Central Intelligence Agency director gives us another angle. They would have captured him alive if he had put up his hands and surrendered but as this never happened the Seals had full authority to kill him.

          In other words they were old style Wild West shoot to kill bounty hunters.

          To perpetuate the confusion and the spate of mystery ideas that always go with American killings of this kind the body was dumped at sea. Let’s face it who wanted to see it anyway.

          But for those who think Mr President that this killing was just a publicity stunt to boost your popularity and that the real Bin Laden is still out there planning a Five Towers operation this time I see that a DNA sample was taken from the body. How does that make your story more convincing?

          As a complete novice in these matters I thought that for DNA to be of any use you had to have known DNA from somewhere else with which to compare it. Where is that going to come from Barack, my dear chap – the same body that is now floating in the ocean somewhere?

          One report I saw said that you and your security officials were watching the whole operation on video from the White House situation room. So how come we have got so many conflicting official versions? Was the picture a bit blurred or did you perhaps have a power failure?

          It’s rather like interviewing people who have just left a football match only to find that hardly any of them can tell you the correct score.

          Just admit it Mr President you haven’t a clue about what actually happened with the result that nobody else has either.

          As a well known Unintelligent Adviser my advice to you and your Intelligence Agency hot shots is to make sure you keep well away from open limousines for at least the next 50 years.

       Fresh air is all very well but you don’t want it blowing through your head.

          Yours faithfully,

          Jon, a Concerned Observer.

PS. My name’s Abbott (referred to by my ex as a Bad Abbott- too close to Abbottabad for comfort) Mr President so can you make doubly sure that none of your slippery Seals rock up at my house because I don’t think they would be convinced if I was to tell them that there have been no weapons here of any kind since the place was built.  Also we haven’t got room for helicopter wrecks in the garden.