Tuesday, August 30, 2011

Capitalism badly needs an overhaul - urgently

Dear Capitalist Money Worshipers,
          Communism didn’t work and now capitalism is in dire trouble. In its present form it is a dismal failure.
          For it to survive there needs to be a recipe to put a ceiling on wealth. It’s absolutely indecent and absurd for anybody to be worth a billion or even more while the majority are starving.
          How about this as a remedy? Let’s have a ceiling of 100 -million for all capitalists. And once the person’s total assets and income reaches that amount they would be taxed at 90% on all their earnings.
          At the moment the rich, the super-rich and the disgustingly rich only think about earning more and more money. And to make sure that not much of it gets distributed to the have-nots, this moneyed lot are so greedy that they do everything in their power to pay as little tax as possible.
          American Billionaire Warren Buffett has just revealed that he only paid a measly 17.5% tax on his vast income estimated at 50 billion a year. This was less that half of any of the 20 people in his office whose tax burden averaged 36% with the highest being at 41%.

How just is that?

          The biggest problem with the capitalist system is that money talks and as its lawmakers are usually wealthy they look after their own. No wonder, when Buffett was in his true confession mode, he wrote in the New York Times that my friends and I have been coddled long enough by a billionaire – friendly Congress.
         Of course the peasants, who put the members of Congress into power, could go on scrounging for a crust in the gutter, while the super-rich pig it in their huge mansions and on their yachts.
Isn’t this just a modern version of the feudal system that kept the poor in their place in medieval Europe?
          Big hearted Buffett proposed higher taxes for his kind to help bail out the ailing US. Rich from somebody who had been getting away with a pittance for years and could well have been one of the reason's his nation was in such a state. This would not discourage investment, he claimed because people invest to make money and potential taxes have never scared them off.
         Not half they haven’t. Where have you been all these years Warren? Why do you think tax havens like Monaco are full of millionaires and billionaires all running away from paying tax in the countries where they made all their loot.
          Warren, the knight in golden armour, who was said to be as powerful as the Federal Reserve Bank, then made another rescue bid by coming to the aid of the struggling Bank of America with a $5-billion investment.
        But like all good capitalists he’s not doing it for the good of his country or the Bank. Profit is all he thinks about. You know when you’ve got 100-billion, 200-billion or whatever he’s worth you always need more. You never know when you might be caught short.
          The deal guarantees him a 6% dividend or $300-million a year when Mr Nobody can only get just over 2% on a 10 year investment and virtually nothing if he puts it in a savings deposit in the bank.
          When it looked as though banks would go to the wall in the US and other parts of the capitalist world the governments came to their rescue. And the heads of these failed business immediately reverted back to what they had been doing before – giving themselves enormous, performance bonuses, even though their previous ones were never justified.
        Did you hear of any Government anywhere that came to the rescue of a single Little Man who lost his house in the credit crunch?
         Of course you didn’t, because that’s the whole point of capitalism, to keep you fat cats licking the cream, while the poor don’t even get milk.  And so you can go on being, like reality star Kim Kardashian, who has just had a $10-million wedding. 

How many starving mouths could that feed?

          Just remember that the poor probably outnumber you by 10 000, 50 000, who knows, to one.
So unless somebody puts a ceiling on wealth they are going to rise up one of these days, like they are doing in Libya and other parts of the Middle East and take it all from you.
Jon, a would-be Capitalist who doesn’t have the money. 

Who's the Monkey if baboons are free while people live in cages?

Dear Baboon Huggers,

          Where in the world, other than in Cape Town, do you have people living in cages while the baboons around them run free?
        You think baboons can do no wrong. Our baby was taken by one of them from inside its cot that was in a bedroom. We found it two blocks away with its one leg bitten off. It’s a miracle the lad survived but do you people care; not a damn.

         Try shooting a baboon in Cape Town that is trashing someone’s house, raping his wife and eating one of his kids and there will be more reports and letters in the paper cursing the shooter than if he murdered five of his neighbours.
         You guys seem to think it’s quite acceptable for people to have to live behind bars to try and prevent your beloved baboons destroying everything they can get their hands on. You also expect us to have desert gardens so there’s nothing to eat that will encourage these mountain marauders from coming down into the built up areas.
         In addition we are supposed to keep all our pets (dogs of all sizes and cats) inside our houses at all times in case they get torn apart by a baboon. There have been recent press reports of at least two dogs being seriously mauled by one of these deranged primates. One was a bull terrier, a breed that is renowned for its fighting capabilities. But it was no match for the large male baboon that attacked it and left it at death’s door with broken bones and other wounds. The vet bill for its owners topped R20 000. 
          And before anybody in authority will even consider a complaint against a rogue baboon the complainant has to supply the baboon’s name, mountain rock number and full details of the damage the animal has done.  It is only when it can be established that the same baboon has committed at least half a dozen serious crimes that a long winded discussion will take place as to whether or not the animal should be put down.
          When Fred, a particularly vicious one, was euthanased, Jenni Trethowan, the baboon’s Mother Teresa had this to say in a letter to a local paper: Please confirm whether specific ‘dominance matrix’ study to establish whether or not Fred was still the alpha male of the Millers Point troop had been done. Unless this was done, she argued, it should have been assumed that he was still the leader of the troop and in terms of the protocol for individual, raiding males, he should not have been put down.
          So when a baboon goes on the rampage we must do costly, exhaustive studies before the animal can be taken out of circulation. Who is more important Jenni, people or baboons?
          Sorry, that’s a ridiculous question to ask any baboon hugger as you all epitomize Jenni’s famous quote, Once you go baboon, you never go back.
         The Cape Town City Council spends R10-million a year (enough to build around 250 houses for some of the thousands living in tin shacks) on yellow, jacketed baboon monitors. These men can be seen sleeping under trees or huddled in little groups chatting while baboons are raiding somebody’s house; pulling down the gutters and doing all kinds of other damage.
            Of course we have all heard your stupid argument about baboons being here first. But if you follow this nonsensical train of thought to its conclusion entire populations of countries would have to be shifted to their historical place in the world.  
          Sorry to have to tell you but somebody has gone and let the secret out of the cage. And I don’t think you people and more especially the baboons are going to be at all happy.

         It turns out that in the Western Cape, which includes Cape Town, it is legal, if you have a hunting licence, to shoot two baboons a day on your own property. The licence costs R185 which makes it a cheap investment to protect your family, your pets and your home.
         My friend shot 14 in a week a month ago and he hasn’t seen one since. If everybody starts doing this the problem will soon be solved and you huggers will just have to find something else to champion.
          How about people for a change – the starving millions.
          Jon, Chairman of the People-do-matter Society. 

Buy my book 'Where have all the children gone' on Amazon.com  It's a thriller with an underlying love story that defied generations of prejudice.

Saturday, August 20, 2011

Playboy babes, you aint seen nothing yet

Dear Playboy Magazine readers,
         Since I wrote something about the South African edition (Playboy Editor with a conscience & Playboy Editor speaks out), which recently got off the ground and is hopefully busy getting into the air, I’ve had an interesting email conversation with Charl (Two-plus-three-equals-Sex) du Plessis, the new Editor-in-Chief.
         Sorry Charl if I down graded you the last time to the simple Editor.
         My wife and I live 1 000 miles (miles for my American readers) away from our only great-grand-child so we often get sent pictures of the latest edition to the family who is just 18 months old.  
         Her every move is photographed. Paige is shown in the pool, cooking, sucking her dummy and generally doing what babies do. That’s what you expect from family – people with whom you have a close relationship.
         So you can imagine my surprise when after an email conversation that only began a few weeks ago Charl and I have developed such a close relationship that he has started sending me pics of his babes.
         I didn’t like to offend Charl by telling him that as quite a few members of our family are regular church goers I wouldn’t be able to circulate his pics in the same way that Paige’s ones have been doing the rounds. But he can be sure that I’ll approve of them even if my wife won’t.
         But then we all know that wives are seldom able to appreciate the finer things in life, especially if their husbands, partners or boyfriends admire them.
         What seems to have prompted Charl to start delving into his family album to select the best ones to send me was a test email I sent out by mistake after I got a new computer. He invited me to rip loose on our new edition. Would like to get feedback from someone with strong ideas about the magazine, he said. We happily take criticism from people like yourself who evidently care about us getting it right, rather than those who wish to see us go under.
        If only I had got that kind of encouragement when I was at school it wouldn’t have been necessary for the old man to keep donating sight screens for the cricket pitch to get me moved up a class.
        Charl asked me to bring the attention of my readers (What! all three of them?) to the Harley Davidson that is up for grabs in his mag’s latest competition. Are they trying to sell magazines or bikes, I wondered. And does he realise how much it costs to advertise on my blog.
         Anyway, fishing for a free copy, I replied, Us old age pensioners born at the time of the rinderpest can’t afford your mag. In any case I usually criticise things I haven’t seen. As they say about the tabloids and magazines like yours, I went on, Big tits are their best selling points.
        That did it. He replied, As for your suggested selling points, I attach a page (Not a Paige, thank goodness) from our current edition.
         And just when I was expecting to see one of those Harley what’s names I had to hurriedly close down my computer because my wife walked into the room.
         Included in this post dear readers are pics of two delightful ladies and I will leave it to you to work out which babe is a member of our family and which one belongs to the Charl clan.
         I’m not really into the prediction business, but if I was to take a stab at it I would say that our Paige is unlikely to ever grace the pages of that best selling mag of Charl’s, let alone become the Playmate of the Month or of the Year.
That’s not a reflection of what she will look like when she grows up. It’s just that if she has to be like the babe in Charl’s pic her photograph will never fit onto a Facebook page. And as her mother is currently putting a thousand images a day on there she would have to go into rehab if she couldn’t continue doing this.
Her grandfather Erick would certainly like to have that Harley what’s name. He had one once, but due to the 1929 Wall Street crash he had to go back to driving a Merc 500 or whatever they are called. But there’s nothing like freezing to death and having your wife clinging for dear life behind you, so I’m sure he would like to get back into the saddle again.
There’s just one snag.  His religious beliefs prevent him from even glancing at any skin mags especially while riding a Harley, but I’m sure he will happily bend his convictions if I was to win that Harley on his behalf.
But then I don’t want the publishers to tell me I can’t have it because Charl has made me part of his family and the rules clearly say that those on the mag and their relatives cannot enter.
Yours goggled-eyed,

P.S. You do catch something occasionally, apart from a cold, when you go fishing. Charl is sending me a free copy of that BEST SELLING MAGAZINE  that is usually sold out within minutes.

P.P.S. It looks as though I was right. You Playboy babes had better watch out. Paige has just been voted Miss Spring at her Johannesburg school.

Get my book "Where have all the children gone?" on   Amazon Kindle  It's a thriller with an underlying love story that defied generations of prejudice.

Wednesday, August 17, 2011

Meeting family at Cape Town airport

Buy my book 'Where have all the children gone?' on Amazon. com  It's a thriller with an underlying love story that defied generations of prejudice.

Thursday, August 11, 2011

Little Britain - Wets on fire now

Dear British Prime Minister, David Cameron,
No wonder Britain’s on fire now. You have become a nation of complete wets.
Anybody who has taught at one of your Government schools recently will tell you that they are just training grounds for rioters. Discipline is not allowed and the teachers have to pussy foot around their classrooms in constant fear of upsetting one of the little dears, or worst of all being attacked.
          And the general be soft on criminals culture that Britain has been promoting is now coming home to roost big time. The cops are almost afraid to speak to anybody in case they break a host of be nice to the public codes of conduct.
          While shops and other buildings were burning all over your country TV commentators were saying things like The Government is considering using water cannons and rubber bullets, although these are very controversial. In other words in pliable old Britain, where the Queensbury rules have been reduced to an absolute farce, We don’t want to offend anybody’s feelings by using these unless we are forced to. We’ll only do it if the whole of London has been burnt down.
          Talk about fiddling while Britain burns your Government was caught napping, but instead of bringing in the Army to patrol the streets you persisted in believing that a totally inadequate number of Policemen could do the job.
          In my humble opinion it is not the job of the Police to fight yobos in the streets on this scale. They can’t be doing that and arresting people at the same time because all the paper work that entails immediately takes them away from the action.
          You expect the Police armed only with shields and batons to hold back hordes of savages running from street to street with petrol bombs and other kinds of weapons. Modern technology, like cell phones and Facebook, no doubt enabled the invaders to outwit authority and make it that much harder for the Police to restore order.
          Let the Army do the containing and the Police can do the rest. But for some obscure reason your Government seems to think that bringing in the Army is a sign of weakness. You wouldn’t think that if this saved your shop or your home from being burnt to the ground or prevented one of your children from being killed by the mob.
          After the initial flair up in London nobody thought of immediately banning any hoodies or people with their faces covered from the streets or a dawn to dusk curfew in the areas most likely to be affected. The criminals as you called them were allowed to run around freely looking like bank robbers so that their faces would not be picked up by any security cameras.
          You had a meeting of Cobra, your committee that deals with national security, when the rioting was already out of control and you announced that a fight back was under way. Come off it David you can’t call it Cobra any more. It hasn’t got anything like the venom.
          You need to change the name to Viper. As you know that’s Britain’s only poisonous snake. It too has gone soft. Unlike the Cobra, Wikipedia says that relatively speaking, bites from this species are not highly dangerous.
 Appropriately, like people who set fire to cities and endanger lives on a grand scale, it is illegal to kill them in Britain.
          Hitler must be turning in his grave thinking: If only I had waited a few years the Third Reich would have been sunning itself at Land’s End and drinking scotch at John O’Groats while David was still whistling for Police reinforcements.
         David weren’t you bragging that you would fix broken Britain when you became Prime Minister? I’m afraid you’re not even picking up the pieces and there is no chance of fixing anything unless you can reverse the Brits are wets approach (see my post Little Britain – Brits are wets now) to just about everything.
          Unfortunately history is against you because when great empires go they really do the job properly. All that’s left of the British Empire seems to be your struggle to hold on to England. And the Roman Empire is run by an Italian Prime Minister who spends more time in court defending himself from sex charges than actually running a country that long ago ceased to be anything more than a joke.
          Yours disgustingly,
          Jon, retired, former Brit on whose stiff upper lip Viagra no longer works. 

Buy my book 'Where have all the children gone?' on Amazon.com  It's thriller with an underlying love story that defied generations of prejudice.

Tuesday, August 9, 2011

Should Press Boss fall on his sword?

Dear Mondli Mkhanya, off-the-ball, Editor-in-Chief of Avusa’s Newspapers,
        Oh no Mondli, one of your guys has done it again. Your Group (Sunday Times, Sowetan, Sunday World etc) can’t trust its columnists as far as it can fire them.
          Talk about dereliction of duty. Where are the editors when your papers get published? And what’s even more important, where have you been as the overall editorial boss for your entire Group?
          One after another we have had your columnists writing what you yourself considered to be unacceptable, racially charged statements that have outraged all and sundry. Nobody, least of all you or your Editors know what they are going to put into print next.
          And all this has happened on your watch.
          In 2008 you were the Editor of the Sunday Times when you fired David Bullard for insulting Blacks in his Out to Lunch column which he had been writing for years. You apologised saying, We were complicit in disseminating his Stone Age philosophies.
        You were subsequently promoted to your present position and low and behold the Stone Age philosophies kept being expounded by two different columnists who also got their marching orders.
          The first of these was Black, Kuli Roberts at the Sunday World who got stuck into South Africa’s Coloured population, most of whom live in the Western Cape, for all manner of sins from being very violent (as if Blacks are not) and breeding like rabbits.
          Did she take her queue from you, I have always wondered? I say this because shortly before her unacceptable piece your regular Sunday Times column was all about how Blacks were ostracised in the Western Cape. You proposed action, presumably by the Black Government, to solve this. The inference was that the Coloureds should be forced to change their attitude towards Blacks. 
When Kuli’s column, Bitches Brew was axed you came out with this pious statement, Avusa Media will not allow any of its titles to disseminate prejudicial commentary that reinforces divisions and entrenches racial stereotypes. It was a particular gem considering that you had previous allowed Bullard’s divisive, racial remarks to slip through.

          The most recent scandal involved Eric Miyeni. In the Sowetan, as you know, he slammed Ferial Haffajee, the Coloured editor of City Press, owned by your opposition, the predominately White, Naspers Group. He accused her of being a Black snake in the grass employed by White capitalists to sow discord among Blacks who would have had a burning tyre put round her neck in the 1980s.

         They are quite capably of organising their own discord if you ask me, without any help from Haffagee. But that’s another story.
         You continued to be unaware that Stone Age philosophies were still thriving right under your nose until they once again hit the fan.
Miyeni felt that his kind of racial slander was appropriate because the City Press had exposed Julius Malema, the Black  President of the Youth Wing of the ruling African National Congress and well known shit stirrer. The paper claimed that Malema, who professes to champion the plight of the poor, had a suspect trust to fund his lavish lifestyle.
          I see that after he was sacked Miyeni hit back by claiming you and your Editors were not doing their job by letting his kind of outbursts get into print and then firing the authors afterwards.
How right he is Mondli.
Your act of revenge was to make him the Mampara (fool) of the Week in the Sunday Times. But one has to ask, what does that make you?
         The acting editor of the Sowetan, Len Maseko must be commended for being extremely honourable by taking responsibility for Miyeni’s lapse and resigning. And what makes his decision even more honourable was that he was on leave when the column appeared.
          So don’t you think Mondli that you should follow his excellent example, especially as you didn’t have the I was on holiday excuse when this happen, not once, not twice, but three times while you were in charge.
        I know it’s not part of African culture, but do the right thing Mondli, fall on your sword.
          Always watchfully yours,
          Jon, the Poor Man’s Press Ombudsman. 

P.S. I’m a former Sunday Times columnist who wasn’t fired, but perhaps it will now be done retrospectively. 

Buy my book 'Wherer have all the children gone?' on Amazon.com  It's thriller with an underlying love story that defied generations of prejudice.