Dear Readers,
Having
governed
Like all good presidents, he has compiled a code of ethics for his ANC members. Here they are in order of importance.
1. Thou shalt
not play cards unless you have at least two Aces up your sleeve.
2.
Thou shalt not
build more than 20 houses for yourself and your relatives with Government money,
without first getting my permission in triplicate.
3. Once
suspended, thou shalt remind me at least every three years that you are still
on full pay so that my government can keep track of who is working and who
isn’t.
4.
As Ministers thou
shalt not wear sinister, black mafia style hats, especially if you don’t take
them off when you come inside, as they frighten the little children of our
followers.
5. If you head
the Ministry of Cooperative Governance and Traditional Affairs thou shalt not
be allowed to have affairs with the tobacco mafia, as it upsets non smokers and
gives our Government a bad name.
6.
Thou shalt not
think that if you get suspended from a top government job you will
automatically be sent to one of our embassies in some exotic location to spend
the rest of you life on the cocktail circuit. Unfortunate, we just haven’t got
enough embassies.
7. Thou shalt
not receive monetary presents without making sure that you get enough for our
most senior comrades to receive their usual Christmas presents, in keeping with
their status.
8.
Thou shalt not
run a municipality as if it is your own, private fiefdom unless the ratepayers
can be made to contribute to our party.
9. Thou shalt
not be granted a banking licence unless you can prove you have the right .FF…friends to run it.
10. Thou shalt not go off the accepted electricity grid
without telling me, because I can’t stand another ‘shock.’ This is particularly
relevant as I thought I had fixed Eskom when I headed that special team
appointed to do just that, several years ago
11. Thou shalt
not be allowed as a Minister of Transport, or in fact as head of any other
ministry, to be on Twitter because it has come to my notice that a certain
party has spent so much time adding up the number of followers that he claims
to have, that most of our stations have disappeared, and I’m ‘shocked’ to have
to tell you that the lines seem to be going as well. No doubt our DA will be
crying out, “Hard lines for the country but not those fat cats in the ANC,”
which would be a completely unjustified dig at me, as usual, when I am only
trying to do my best for our country. I know one thing for certain, and that is
that in my next life I’m coming back as a ‘scrap dealer,’ or better still a ‘card-sharp.’
12. Thou shalt not complain if you haven’t received your
social grant. It’s not my fault that there are so many of you, and in any case
my government has done such a good job in the past to make sure you got what
you deserved that if we missed one or two of you now you know who to blame -
apar…., sorry this COVID-19 thing. You can thank me for getting rid of the
previous minister in charge of this because she could have easily said you had
got your grants when you hadn’t.
Yours the Honourable Cyril, the Great
Reformer.
P.S.
I’m sure the DA and that other effing party will have a job improving on this
code of conduct, which is bounded to be adopted by other governments around the
world.
* * * *
Well
dear readers, as he usually does, Cyril gave me the first chance to break this
to our nation knowing how I have always been such an ardent supporter of his
party, what’s it called again, that owes so much to apartheid. It hasn’t yet
been able to come up with a better excuse for buggering up, almost completely,
a perfectly functional country in less that quarter of a century.
Have
fun,
Regards,
Jon
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