Little Britain - Wets on fire now

Dear British Prime Minister, David Cameron,

No wonder Britain’s on fire now. You have become a nation of complete wets.

Anybody who has taught at one of your Government schools recently will tell you that they are just training grounds for rioters. Discipline is not allowed and the teachers have to pussy foot around their classrooms in constant fear of upsetting one of the little dears, or worst of all being attacked.

          And the general be soft on criminals culture that Britain has been promoting is now coming home to roost big time. The cops are almost afraid to speak to anybody in case they break a host of be nice to the public codes of conduct.

          While shops and other buildings were burning all over your country TV commentators were saying things like The Government is considering using water cannons and rubber bullets, although these are very controversial. In other words in pliable old Britain, where the Queensbury rules have been reduced to an absolute farce, We don’t want to offend anybody’s feelings by using these unless we are forced to. We’ll only do it if the whole of London has been burnt down.

          Talk about fiddling while Britain burns your Government was caught napping, but instead of bringing in the Army to patrol the streets you persisted in believing that a totally inadequate number of Policemen could do the job.

          In my humble opinion it is not the job of the Police to fight yobos in the streets on this scale. They can’t be doing that and arresting people at the same time because all the paper work that entails immediately takes them away from the action.

          You expect the Police armed only with shields and batons to hold back hordes of savages running from street to street with petrol bombs and other kinds of weapons. Modern technology, like cell phones and Facebook, no doubt enabled the invaders to outwit authority and make it that much harder for the Police to restore order.

          Let the Army do the containing and the Police can do the rest. But for some obscure reason your Government seems to think that bringing in the Army is a sign of weakness. You wouldn’t think that if this saved your shop or your home from being burnt to the ground or prevented one of your children from being killed by the mob.

          After the initial flair up in London nobody thought of immediately banning any hoodies or people with their faces covered from the streets or a dawn to dusk curfew in the areas most likely to be affected. The criminals as you called them were allowed to run around freely looking like bank robbers so that their faces would not be picked up by any security cameras.

          You had a meeting of Cobra, your committee that deals with national security, when the rioting was already out of control and you announced that a fight back was under way. Come off it David you can’t call it Cobra any more. It hasn’t got anything like the venom.

          You need to change the name to Viper. As you know that’s Britain’s only poisonous snake. It too has gone soft. Unlike the Cobra, Wikipedia says that relatively speaking, bites from this species are not highly dangerous.

 Appropriately, like people who set fire to cities and endanger lives on a grand scale, it is illegal to kill them in Britain.

          Hitler must be turning in his grave thinking: If only I had waited a few years the Third Reich would have been sunning itself at Land’s End and drinking scotch at John O’Groats while David was still whistling for Police reinforcements.

         David weren’t you bragging that you would fix broken Britain when you became Prime Minister? I’m afraid you’re not even picking up the pieces and there is no chance of fixing anything unless you can reverse the Brits are wets approach (see my post Little Britain – Brits are wets now) to just about everything.

          Unfortunately history is against you because when great empires go they really do the job properly. All that’s left of the British Empire seems to be your struggle to hold on to England. And the Roman Empire is run by an Italian Prime Minister who spends more time in court defending himself from sex charges than actually running a country that long ago ceased to be anything more than a joke.

          Yours disgustingly,

          Jon, retired, former Brit on whose stiff upper lip Viagra no longer works. 

Buy my book 'Where have all the children gone?' on Amazon.com  It's thriller with an underlying love story that defied generations of prejudice.