Thursday, December 20, 2012

Little Britain - Brits are Wets now

As this was so popular I've decided to repeat it.

Dear Little Britain,
        Two television obstacle course competitions highlight unintentionally how pathetically soft you Brits have become.        
         Britain's Total Wipeout is for real wets, which they are most of the time because falling into the water is not considered a total wipeout.
         For 'health and safety' reasons no doubt, the participants wear life jackets and crash helmets as well.
        They are allowed to carry on even when they have repeatedly fallen off the obstacles in case they sue the organizers for losing their sense of self worth. They also don't get eliminated for taking forever to finish.
         It makes me shudder to think what my ancestors, who came from the Old Country when Britannia ruled the waves, would have thought had they been alive today.
       Isn’t there a law in the UK against endangering the State by revealing to the whole world just how weak your citizens have become? Has the Victoria Cross, that unsurpassed bravery award, now become obsolete?
        On the other hand the Japanese TV programme, appropriately entitled Ninja Warrior, is for the really courageous who you would confidently expect to win a war for you if that became necessary.
        Neither the men nor the women wear crash helmets or any kind of padding let alone lifejackets. The very varied courses are a hundred times more difficult and a lot more dangerous than  the British one and wipeout means exactly that.

       If you touch the water you are gone and the same applies if you can't finish within the stipulated time.
     You can understand why there’s no British Empire anymore and there’s absolutely no point in putting Great before Britain.
      Your concerned friend,
         Jon, a Ninja Warrier in training.       

P.S. When it comes to beauty if you compare the British female competitors to the Chinese ones the Brits don't even warant a  first look, let alone a second one.

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