If you take off your dark glasses for a
moment you’ll see that it’s only a very small section of the population that
believes you should change your spots. They’re barking
up the wrong tree completely when they run down
your brilliant idea to change South Africa
With that in mind I’ve attached a few
ideas that could form the basis of the new design. These are so appropriate in
a view of the modern direction in which you are leading our country with your see no
evil, hear no evil and speak no evil legislation.
The one with
bananas is very much in keeping with African culture that has spawned so
many of those wonderful banana republics that have all adopted this approach.
Enough of the praise. I thought you should know that I’ve come
across something of great national importance to South Africa
It concerns a ----- of well ------- ,
well ----- people who are hell bent on ---------- our country.
I’m not talking about the usual Government officials who are busy ---------- their
nests with the tax payers help and your ----- ing. No, this is a lot more
serious than that.
But thank goodness
your Government has ensured that I can’t talk about these things. I didn’t even mention
it to my four wives and ten children.
They’ve kept
secrets before but I couldn’t trust them with this one. After all who wants to
spend 20 years in one of our overcrowded jails now that you have very wisely
outlawed loose talk with your Protection of State
Information Bill?
That sort of thing only alarms
everybody and gives people the ----- idea about our leaders.
In the past anybody who had stumbled on
the kind of information I’m not talking about would have rushed to some
newspaper or TV channel and then it would have been all over the place.
Now, thank
goodness, all we are going to get is the good news. It’s so much more uplifting
than the kind of thing I’m not talking about.
Shutting up whistleblowers is long
overdue. All they do is tell lies, disturb the neighbourhood and wake babies.
So that’s another service you have done for our country Jacob.
And if anybody knows what hell it can
be when somebody wakes the little ones, it’s you. I’m not sure if I’m allowed
to mention how many you’ve got or whether that’s now classified. But don’t
worry I’m not taking any chances.
Don’t let those
depressed Western Nations try and tell you that preventing people from
blabbing about all our secrets will do irreparable harm to our country. Look
where that policy has got them.
In Britain
And if Joseph
Stalin and the rest of that Commy mob
could successfully keep the Soviet
Union going for all those years there can’t be much wrong
with this closed mouth policy of yours. If it does nothing
else my neighbour will think twice about telling everybody what he thinks I’m
doing with the girl down the road, when it’s a figment of his imagination.
I hope, Mr
President that you are going to have enough secret police to back up
this new legislation. Why not do what the Russians
did and get everybody to spy on everybody else.
My mistake.
That won’t work. In such a law abiding country as ours nobody will ever talk
about these things once there’s a law against it. They are too patriotic to do
anything that would endanger the security of the State.
And you and your Government
are shining examples of this kind of thinking.
As you rightly surmised, all our people
needed was a good, healthy Act of Parliament to
spell it out for them.
Thanks for your foresight Mr President.
Yours faithfully,
Jon
P.S. I badly need coaching from one
of your advisers just to make sure that I don’t end up being WANTED.
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