China - Africa's new colonial master

Dear African Leaders,

        Yippee, isn’t it Great! The  Chinese are coming, sorry they’re actually here.  They’re swarming all over Black Africa.

         They have come as saviours of this dictator riddled, corrupt, incompetent, poverty stricken continent and are busy showing the clueless, work-shy locals how to put in infrastructure and how to build office blocks, bridges and other impressive structures.

         So you mustn’t do anything to offend them. You must all follow the excellent example set by South Africa’s President Jacob Zuma. He and his Government ensured that the Dalai Lama was not given a visa to enter the country when he was invited to attend the 80^th birthday celebrations of Archbishop Desmond Tutu.

         This Tibetan, Buddhist high priest has been living in exile for years and has been hounded by the People’s Republic of China ever since it took over his country.  It has done its best to ensure that he doesn’t get into countries it can easily kick around.

         And those are mostly in Africa.

         A White friend, who travels a lot in Central and West Africa, told me that whenever he has taken a flight in this part of the world recently he has been just about the only non Chinaman on the plane.

         Of course the pay off for the little yellow men is a lot more than just keeping Tibet’s spiritual leader out of Africa.

         Could it be minerals and other raw materials to keep the burgeoning Chinese economy on the up and up? And will it mean that the Chinese will one day make everything in the world while everybody else is starving because that cut price, oriental competition has closed all the factories where they earned a living?

         You Africans mustn’t deluded yourselves into thinking you can apply your normal job reservation policy to these new colonialists.

         In South Africa for instance the Black Government has replaced Grand Apartheid, the previous White Government’s Whites only policy, with Grand Black Economic Empowerment. This is designed to ensure that Blacks outnumber every other race in Government and business by 10 to one or more.

        But they dare not try that with the Chinese. My friend tells me that on Chinese construction sites in West Africa you won’t see a single Black. Everybody is Chinese, even down to the labourers pushing wheel barrows full of cement.

         So however much they improve the infrastructure in your countries there are billions of Chinamen who all have to be working before they will make the slightest dent in your millions of unemployed Blacks.

         That’s what happens, my fellow African’s, when you sell your soul. And I wonder how much you leaders are getting out of this sale and whether you were happy to take your fees in Renminbi or if you got it in Dollars.

         You’ve been complaining for years about what White Colonialism did to your countries and your self esteem. So who will you blame now that the Chinese are doing the same thing all over again?

         But as you leaders have proved time again you don’t care a damn about what happens to your subjects as long as you are alright living in your mansions and travelling the world in your private jets.

         As you might have gathered I live in South Africa and I wonder if you could ask our President if I could have permission to replace our Black cook, maid and gardener with Chinese because I’ve just invited President Hu Jintao to stay for a few days.

I’m worried that if I don’t do that he will be insulted and that’s a risky thing to do to your Master. And it could also be very bad for the development of our country.

        It goes without saying that he won’t have an entry problem like the Dalai Lama because he doesn’t need a visa to visit one of the new outposts of the Chinese Empire.

         Yours respectfully,

         Jon

P.S. I heard that women in China are flocking to plastic surgeons to have their slit eyes made more Western so presumably Africans will soon be forced to have it done the other way round.