JEWS IN A STEW OVER "BLACK NAZI PIG"

Dear South African Jewish Board of Deputies,

          As the main representative of the Jewish community in this country can’t you get members of the faith to stop * squealing like stuck pigs every time somebody says anything that is in anyway critical of Palestine or is it Israel.

          I see in the The Times three stirrers David Hersch, Dr Joselle Reuben and Howard Joffee are jumping up and down protesting against none other than our own Nobel Peace Prize winner, the Arch, Desmond Tutu.

          According to the paper this perfectionist trio claim that Tutu made "false and bigoted"comparisons between Israel and apartheid South Africa after he investigated Israel’s human rights abuses against the Palestinians in Gaza on behalf of the United Nations. Not content with that they’ve drawn up a petition in which they claim that Tutu was dishonest in portraying Israel as a "racist society."

          Does this add up? They are saying that you can become an Anglican Archbishop;  winner of that insignificant Nobel Peace Prize; be awarded the Albert Schweitzer Prize for Humanitarianism; the Gandhi Peace Prize and the Presidential Medal of Freedom and  still be a "bloody liar."

          I’d be interested to know how many Peace prizes or any other prizes of any significance that have been won by any member of this trio. Perhaps one of your Board members can tell me?

          I see that our beloved Arch has really ruffled feathers among the chosen race. On one of his visits to Israel, according to Wikipedia, the open minded locals vented their anger on him. Here’s a sample written on the walls of St George’s Cathedral in East Jerusalem – BLACK NAZI PIG.  Apart from what we already know about the Nazis, isn’t a pig supposed to be unclean or something although our family find it quite delectable, especially the crackling.

       Funny the writer should refer to the Nazi’s. Weren’t they scrawling similar things on walls about the Jews at one time?

          More recently top American criminal lawyer Alan Dershowitz called Tutu a "racist and a bigot" at a conference in Durban. He has had considerable success defending high profile celebrities and among the people he has represented are Mike Tyson, Patty Hearst and he was also an adviser for the defence in the O.J. Simpson case.

          You would think that being such an eminent legal man he would choose his words very carefully. According to my dictionary a "bigot, is a person unreasonably and intolerantly devoted to a particular creed." To use a well known legal term, "Et tu Dershowitz."

          The petitioners, say the The Times, claim that Tutu never investigated the Sudan or other scenes of genuine, massive human rights abuses. Of course he didn't. If his mandate was to look at the goings on in Israel, he could hardly be expected to take a trip round the world.

          They also accuse Tutu of refusing to call Israel by its name by referring to it as Palestine which it was 20 years ago. What a crime. You know what the Nazi's would have done to him, don't you.

          The aim of the petition is to have Tutu given the made-in-Israel Jackboot as patron of two Holocaust centers in South Africa. And 250 like minded people are supposed to have signed the petition within 24 hours. At this rate the rapid growth of the Nazi party would have had nothing on the popularity of the anti Tutu movement.  

          Having sharpened his courage on the Nazi-like apartheid regime, our Arch is not easily scared. He won't step down and this is what he had to say: "These centers make an enormous contribution to our collective memory and understanding of the hateful and hurtful effects of prejudice and discrimination." How right you are Arch, and I can think of quite few people

who should should be compelled  to visit them regularly until they are completely cured.

          The learned petitioners want those other pillars of anti-semitism given the same treatment as Tutu. At least that’s what the authors of the petition seem to think about former South African judge, Richard Goldstone and Kadar Asmal, the one time Minister of Education in the African National Congress Government.

          Goldstone put his Jewish foot in it when he led a UN fact finding mission to Gaza and betrayed the cause big time when his mission reported that the Israelis and Hamas had both violated the laws of war.. I’m not sure what Asmal is supposed to have to done, but it was no doubt a serious crime like telling the truth.

         Mercia Andrews, convenor of the Palestine Solidarity Group, came out with this understatement about the trio: "They are an extremist voice." Referring to the Arch she said: "We require more such voices in the world."

          What I want to know Messrs Jewish Board of Deputies is there now a danger that if Tutu and his fellow transgressors were to step foot in that state somewhere in the Middle East will they find themselves confined to an Israeli concentration camp or …… ?

          Yours honourably,

          Jon, Fellow of Middle East History and Israeli/Hamas relations.

* That bit about stuck pigs is a commonly used term and has no religious connotations.

P.S. This is the email correspondence I had with the arch after I suggested he read this post.

Dear Archbishop Desmond Tutu  (it's about time I showed some respect),

Thanks for your very prompt reply. If we all had your sense of humour nobody would be fighting anywhere.

Dear Friend,

It's hilarious, barbed and very clever. Thanks for your piece on the on-going saga of being anti-Semitic when one points out wrongs of not the Jewish people but of the Israeli Government.

Love and blessings to you and your Gayle,

*arch

It's noteworthy that his "arch' does not begin with a capital



ARCHBISHOP TUTU ALWAYS GOOD FOR A LAUGH

Dear Tammy Guefen,

          So I was right Tammy (see email below) women do always put a damper on our brilliant ideas. I see you got your knickers in a twist about my Jews in a stew over ‘Black Nazi Pig’ letter (Nazi pig)

          You responded by issuing this challenge:
"Now let’s see, Dearjon (touching that), whether you have the guts to publish and leave on this response on you blog. If you are a true democrat and believe in fairness and the right to express an opinion, then you cannot deny others the right."

          What? I come from a long line of Chauvinist Pigs I couldn’t possibly allow you to contradict me on my own blog. It’s just not done you know, especially by a woman.

          Oops! Isn’t there a Gender Police Force in this country? The last thing I want is to be locked up for Christmas. South Africa’s supposed to be a free country but you can’t even be a Chauvinist Pig without getting into trouble. It’s just like Israel where my cousins the Black Nazi Pigs are hounded all over the place. And you are not even safe in a sty, especially on market day. But you would think us pigs wouldn’t have to worry about having their lives cut short in Israel, but the world being what it is today even there they have to watch their tails.

          Welcome to my blog Tammy. You’re in the Comments. I hope you remembered to wear your Wellingtons because it can get a bit mucky in there. Have Fun.

          Below is the email correspondence I had with Archbishop Tutu and his reply. If everybody had his sense of humour we would all stop fighting not only in the Middle East but in the rest of the world.

Subject: Jews in a stew over 'Black Nazi Pig' ...see my blog

Hi Arch

I hope your fantastic sense of humour will extend to the item on my blog (               ) with the above title. As I can’t get any of my books published and most of my letters to the papers I have just started a blog. The idea is to criticise or praise everything in sight and to promote the slogan You can’t be serious. I’m aiming for 10-million hits, hopefully not from the Police, in the first couple of months. My wife says she thinks this is a bit ambitious. But you know what wives are like they always put a damper on our brilliant ideas.

Have fun and best wishes for Xmas and the New Year to you and your family from my wife Gayle and I.

Jon 
Dear Friend,
It's hilarious, barbed and very clever.  Thanks for your piece on the on-going saga of
being anti-Semitic when one points out wrong doings not of the Jewish people but of the Israeli Government.
Love and blessing to you and your Gayle,
arch

Love and Kisses to you Tammy
(My apologies; can’t this be construed as sexual harassment?)    
Curly Wee, Jon

Buy my book 'Where have all the children gone?' on Amazon.com  It's a thriller with an underlying love story.