ESPN should cover Zoo Hunting

Dear American Nature Lovers,

Did you know that hunting will soon be allowed in all your zoos?

It’s being done as a last ditch effort to satisfy that lust for shooting and killing that is endemic in your culture that is supposed to be the most civilised in the world.

The authorities are hoping that this will finally eradicate gunmen rampaging through schools and the like firing at anything that moves just for the fun of it.

But don’t get too upset. When you think about it, this is not very different from what has been going on for years.

Is sitting in a tree-house in a wood until an unsuspecting, defenceless deer wanders within a few feet of you, so that you can effortless get it into the cross hairs of your high powered rifle, any different from walking up to it when it is caged in a zoo?

Either way the animal has no chance.

Some people call this sport. But if only one competitor has a chance of winning what satisfaction is there in that.

ESPN, that Worldwide Leader in Sports, has no compunction about showing us all just how sporting you Yanks are when you have a gun in your hand.

Hunters are camouflaged like front line troops; they put out life like decoys of every description and have a variety of aids to mimic the mating calls of every animal or bird imaginable.

That ensures that they cannot miss.

Our brave little rich boy hunters are on the right grinning away

Not content with mowing down your own wild life they are making names for themselves in Africa.

But they are never brave enough to go walking into the bush by themselves to bag a lion; an elephant or any of the other BIG FIVE.

Oh! No. They’ve always got an army of bodyguards led by an experienced, crackshot White hunter. It would be disastrous for the lucrative safari business if a rich client was eaten or trampled to death while in their care.

Those kitties look so peaceful don't they

So they continue the slaughter that they have perfected so well at home in the US of A, all in the name of Sport.

Watching ESPN on TV the other day I was appalled to see Tony Makris, that intrepid host of Under Wild Skies being driven to the bank of a large river. There he lay down, steadied his rifle on a bank and fired at a bull hippo weighing something like 3 tonnes that was wallowing in the muddy water hardly a 100 yards away.

He and his White hunter minder were so irresponsible that when the animal disappeared into the murky depths of the river they had no way of knowing if it had only been wounded or killed.

Their irresponsibility went even further because the White hunter then sent his two Black trackers into the crocodile infested water clutching rubber inner tubes to look for an animal that kills more people in Africa than any other species.

Inexplicably our experienced White chaperon didn’t know that most Africans can’t swim, so the drama soon took another dangerous turn. The White hunter then had to dive in to rescue his men while brave Tony stood guard safely on the river bank.

Still uncertain as to whether the beast had died or had swum off to lick its wounds the party waited several hours before being relieved to see the massive carcass float to the surface.

Perfect for the mantelpiece

You have to have a huge wall to mount a hippo head on it or a lounge the size of a football field to have the entire stuffed animal standing in the middle.

As if this was not a bad enough example of Americans on safari in Africa, Donald Trump’s two sons Donald jr and Eric have hit the headlines.

Old man Trump, now 65 is the billionaire businessman who is the kingpin of the reality show The Apprentice. So as you would expect his sons had no problem in going on a money-is-no-object African killing spree.

You need a bazooka for this one

Judging by their trophy list which has been splashed all over the internet they shot just about everything they could see including an elephant, a leopard and a buffalo.

Even a little spotted civet cat was on the list. That’s a pussy. Shooting one of these is the equivalent of a little boy with a pellet gun taking out the pet tom belonging to the old lady nextdoor. It is equally mindless.
         Comedian Nik Rabinowitz let us into the secret of what the brothers shout out at every kill: Bang, you're fired.

We can only hope that the worldwide, bad publicity the boys attracted will trump any more of their African slaughter-for-fun expeditions. But there doesn’t seem to be much chance of that when a defiant Donald jr said, I’m a hunter and I won’t cower from that because of some losers.

Presumably if you haven’t got a filthy rich dad you are a Loser.

See you at the zoo with your rifle,

Regards

Jon, who has to confess that he once shot four mice, two rats and killed ten grasshoppers in Africa at the age of five.