Porno Magistrates

Dear Minister of Justice,
How's this for a legal first for South Africa. In your lofty position I can’t blame you if you are not aware of everything that happens on the ground. But did you know that it’s perfectly permissible for magistrates to watch porn on their office computers?

          That’s the inference one gets from a story in The Times about what members of the Magistrates’ Commission told a Parliamentary Committee. As you probably know by now this organisation, that polices these judicial officers, revealed that it had been dealing with 21 cases ranging from being drunk in court, fraud and sexual harassment. Two magistrates had been fired; three were in suspenders, sorry were suspended, and the other 16 were still being investigated.

          But the one that stands out because of the precedent setting decision concerned a Pretoria Commercial Crimes court magistrate who was cleared of keeping pornographic material on his work computer.

          According to The Times, Hans Meijer, a member of the Commission told MPs the official did not source the pornography but watched it repeatedly. So that made it okay with this august body.

          Us laymen would obviously not be able to appreciate the legal niceties of the difference between what the magistrate did and sourcing the stuff. Presumably sourcing means something like producing videos of fornicating couples and the like for general release on the internet.

          So with that ruling now enshrined in law, as it were, I assume magistrates need no longer be furtive about watching porn on their computers. They can do it openly even with everybody in the office gathered round.

          I’m not sure if this very generous working hour perk extends to the actual court itself, but who knows the way permissiveness is going anything is possible. Could we have a magistrate looking at a computer screen suddenly announcing, Sorry to interrupt, but the court will have to adjourn for half an hour because I don’t want to miss the climax.

          If you ask me Mr Minister, which you probably won’t, it’s not a pretty picture. You’ll no doubt put me in my place by telling me that as I have no knowledge of the complex laws of sexual semantics I’m in no position to judge. All I can say in my defence is you might be right for now but as soon as my wife leaves the room I’ll turn on my computer.

          Yours knowingly,

          Jon (Former child star of the sexually explicit, The Magistrate caught with his pants down).

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