Monday, September 14, 2020


 Dear Readers,

          Having governed South Africa for the last 26 years our African National Congress headed by President Mr ‘I’m shocked’ Cyril Ramaphosa has just realised that they haven't got the morals of an alley cat.  Sorry it is worse; my cat has asked me for Cyril’s address so he can complain.

      Like all good presidents, he has compiled a code of ethics for his ANC members. Here they are in order of importance.

1.    Thou shalt not play cards unless you have at least two Aces up your sleeve.

2.    Thou shalt not build more than 20 houses for yourself and your relatives with Government money, without first getting my permission in triplicate.

3.    Once suspended, thou shalt remind me at least every three years that you are still on full pay so that my government can keep track of who is working and who isn’t.

4.    As Ministers thou shalt not wear sinister, black mafia style hats, especially if you don’t take them off when you come inside, as they frighten the little children of our followers.

5.    If you head the Ministry of Cooperative Governance and Traditional Affairs thou shalt not be allowed to have affairs with the tobacco mafia, as it upsets non smokers and gives our Government a bad name.

6.    Thou shalt not think that if you get suspended from a top government job you will automatically be sent to one of our embassies in some exotic location to spend the rest of you life on the cocktail circuit. Unfortunate, we just haven’t got enough embassies.

7.    Thou shalt not receive monetary presents without making sure that you get enough for our most senior comrades to receive their usual Christmas presents, in keeping with their status.

8.    Thou shalt not run a municipality as if it is your own, private fiefdom unless the ratepayers can be made to contribute to our party.

9.    Thou shalt not be granted a banking licence unless you can prove you have the right  .FF…friends to run it.

10. Thou shalt not go off the accepted electricity grid without telling me, because I can’t stand another ‘shock.’ This is particularly relevant as I thought I had fixed Eskom when I headed that special team appointed to do just that, several years ago

11. Thou shalt not be allowed as a Minister of Transport, or in fact as head of any other ministry, to be on Twitter because it has come to my notice that a certain party has spent so much time adding up the number of followers that he claims to have, that most of our stations have disappeared, and I’m ‘shocked’ to have to tell you that the lines seem to be going as well. No doubt our DA will be crying out, “Hard lines for the country but not those fat cats in the ANC,” which would be a completely unjustified dig at me, as usual, when I am only trying to do my best for our country. I know one thing for certain, and that is that in my next life I’m coming back as a ‘scrap dealer,’ or better still a ‘card-sharp.’

12. Thou shalt not complain if you haven’t received your social grant. It’s not my fault that there are so many of you, and in any case my government has done such a good job in the past to make sure you got what you deserved that if we missed one or two of you now you know who to blame - apar…., sorry this COVID-19 thing. You can thank me for getting rid of the previous minister in charge of this because she could have easily said you had got your grants when you hadn’t.

Yours the Honourable Cyril, the Great Reformer.

P.S. I’m sure the DA and that other effing party will have a job improving on this code of conduct, which is bounded to be adopted by other governments around the world.

*    *   *   *

Well dear readers, as he usually does, Cyril gave me the first chance to break this to our nation knowing how I have always been such an ardent supporter of his party, what’s it called again, that owes so much to apartheid. It hasn’t yet been able to come up with a better excuse for buggering up, almost completely, a perfectly functional country in less that quarter of a century.

Have fun,



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