Dolce & Gabbana have no Bananas today

Is this one of your creations

Dear Domenico Dolce & Stefano Gabbana,

         Big companies are something else. When you start pulling their tails they have absolutely no sense of humour so don’t even try selling them the slightest smile even at a huge discount.

         There’s nothing they like more than using their impressive, financial muscle to bully the little man or woman into submission with the help of an army of expensive lawyers.

         And you guys, as the founders of the Milan fashion house of Dolce & Gabbana have done just that. You have shown how pathetic you are by being completely unable to laugh at yourselves or anything else it would seem.

The Brothers Grim with Kylie Minogue

         Is business absolutely everything to you? Is it too serious for you to have a giggle and laugh off an upstart of a woman trying to pull your legs at the other end of the world?

        Mind you I think you were right. You couldn’t possible have a tiny shop in the fishing village of Hout Bay in Cape Town monkeying you around by calling itself Dolce & Banana.

            But as you rightly said in the 300 page dossier you presented to the High Court in Cape Town, Mijou Beller’s jewellery and gifts made of sea shells and beads by poor Blacks was "diluting the name of your luxury brand."

         I hope you don’t mind me asking but is the name of your business that turns over something like $2-billion dollars a year that fragile? If it is then I completely understand why you were so determined to skin Beller alive, banana and all.

         In the court papers your board member Christiana Ruella expressed concern about Dolce & Banana’s connection to the Hout Bay Fashion Week. You had good reason to be worried.

Don’t’ think it only happens in Europe and America. 
The Hout Bay Fashion Week is huge. It makes the ones run by Mercedes Benz look like a little girl’s party.

It’s been going for years and all the big names (excluding yours of course) like Donna Koran, Armani, Oscar de la Renta, Calvin Klein etc have their stuff there.

Stop smiling Mijou, this is serious

But the star of the show has consistently been Mijou Beller with her bargain, beaded bags and other trinkets. 

         Actually you should be thankful that at least part of your name was featured at such a very important event in the fashion calendar.

Banana Split. Banana goes solo as exotic
as ever

         You certainly weren’t joking when you forced this poor woman to remove the name Dolce from her shop. Now you are hammering home your point by asking her to pay R100 000 towards your R250 000 legal costs. 

       

        You don’t by any chance need the money to help sort out that little matter of what you guys described as the thieving Italian tax authorities trying to nail you for $562-million in back taxes? Well if you do I’m sorry Mijou can't pay you.
       

IT LOOKS LIKE THE JOKES ON THEM
Mail on Line Report

  
         I know big business doesn’t worry about these things, but if you put her under three poor, Black women with a lot of other equally poor people depending on them, will be penniless as well.  But as they are not likely to be able to buy any of your designer gear, who cares. That’s business.

         It’s ridiculous how seriously you took this woman’s just for a lark business name as well as the Fashion Week that was a figment of her imagination that she put on her blog as a joke.

A Hout Bay house party

         Whose idea was it to put this laughable gem in the court papers that showed just how your lack of self confidence was showing? "There is every probability that the use of Dolce & Banana in relation to jewellery and T-shirts, as well as their involvement with fashion weeks, would cause deception or confusion."

         If you had done a survey in Hout Bay you would have been lucky to have found a handful of people who had ever heard of Dolce & Banana, Dolce & Pineapple or even, what’s that name you call your fashion house? Oh yes, Dolce & B..... sorry I keep forgetting its Gabbana.

         So Mijou and her little shop have actually done you a great service. Now everybody knows you in Hout Bay and in a lot of other places as well.

         Publicity like that would have cost you millions and you got it for a measly quarter of a million. Just claim it off tax; leave Mijou and her Black assistants to get on with the shop that is their livelihood and try for once in your lives to see the funny side.

         A lot of people were very amused by this mickey taking exercise that was made even more hilarious by your blustering, intimidating approach. People always love a David and Goliath encounter and heaven forbid if Goliath comes out on top, it still does nothing to enhanced his reputation.

         Unfashionably yours,

         Jon, David’s Big Brother.

P.S. Sorry guys I tried to stop little Jonnie from expressing his opinion, but I was too late.