Standard Bank - What standard?

Dear Jacko Mareee, Chief Executive of Standard Bank,

          I can’t understand how your bank was voted No1 for service in the Banking Category Orange Index Awards, whatever they are, because all I got from this so called champion of service excellence of yours was a LEMON.

          If my experience is the yardstick the Standard you set is nothing to brag about. I’m sure you wouldn’t want it included in those whole page, newspaper advertisements you have been running since you won the Award.

          It’s more important to tell the world how all of us wear takkies on pay day so we can serve you faster. Well the service I got was takkie and it certainly didn’t involve speedy service because I’m still waiting after nearly three years.

          As I’ve already told you I have been trying to get your bank to stop sending vehicle finance statements and threatening letters of demand for Mr X to our address. This has been going on ever since my wife and I moved into our present house.

          The previous owner was not Mr X and from what I could establish he lived here five or six years ago. Yet in spite of the fact that your bank has been told this repeatedly and has promised to rectify the situation on numerous occasions the letters keep coming.

          My concern is that if judgment is taken against him we could have the Sheriff coming to our house to take our possessions. And I’ve heard of scary stories of what can happen if nobody’s at home to correct a mistake when the Sheriff arrives.

          I thought the problem had been finally solved a few months ago when your Western Cape Regional Director, Johan van Wyk undertook via his PA Corinda Strick, to stop the letters being sent to us. How wrong I was because it seems that this is of such mammoth proportions that one of your directors can’t solve it.

   

           

         And it’s even too big for you to handle.         

       


       The statements keep coming. And immediately after I had emailed you things got uglier than ever.     

          The latest is a letter marked URGENT on the one corner. It threatens him with legal action unless he pays the significant overdue amount. It also said that unless he paid adverse information regarding your payment performance will be reported to the National Credit Bureaux and could affect your ability to obtain credit in future.

          Instead of replying to the email I sent to your personal email address the buck was passed to Yasmin Bhoola, your Manager:  Executive & Escalated Complaints, Office of the Chief Executive.  Some title that.

          Yasmin told me in an email that the bank contacted Mr X and established that he is overseas.  She went on to say that according to the National Credit Act the bank couldn’t change the man’s address without his permission. Yet it contacted him????

          She added, We have been advised that he will be back in the country in April and we will then address the issue with him.

          A spokesperson for the National Credit Regulator told me that in the circumstances the Bank was quite entitled to change the man’s address without his permission. So who is right Jacko?

          And if your bank is No 1 for service why has it taken something like three years for it to come up with this excuse for not changing the address?

          Also if efficiency is the buzz word at Standard wouldn’t you want to have an up to date record of the addresses of people who owe you money. This is especially so if they have a vehicle in which your bank has an interest.

          What’s the point in telling Mr X, in your latest threatening letter, that We would like to remind you of your legal obligation to ensure that your asset remains comprehensively insured at all times if the letter is sent to the wrong address and your bank has been repeatedly told about this?

          Also Jacko hasn’t it occurred to anyone in your bank that it is decidedly odd that the gentleman in this case should not bother to tell you of his new address five years or more after he left the one he gave when he had his car financed by you?

          In recent months I have had reason to send complaints to the personal emails addresses of the Big Bosses of  all South Africa’s major banks, Nedbank, Absa, First National and now Standard. And only one of them, Michael Jordaan at FNB had the courtesy and the good public relations savvy to reply directly to me.

          So I thought you would be interested to know that he holds regular night classes for bank chief executives and other top brass in this sector, but so far the attendance has been depressingly poor.

          Yours hopefully,

          Jon, a Consumer Watchdog you can bank on.

PS. If our address gets much more tainted perhaps we should change it and you can go on sending the bank’s threats to an address where the delinquent Mr X will never see them. And that's exactly what you are still doing nearly two months after I first contacted you.

Buy my book 'Where have all the children gone?' on Amazon.com  It's a thriller with an underlying love story that defied generations of prejudice.

Bank sanctioned Bank Robbery

Dear Advocated Pillay, the Banking Ombudsman,

      Did you know that the banks in South Africa have one enormous security hole?  It's so huge that nobody wants to do anything about it.

       

        The result is that unscrupulous and inefficient businesses and other rip off artists are taking advantage of the situation to take money illegitimately from people’s accounts with the help of the banks.

        The banks are turning a blind eye to this BANK ROBBERY. And it’s made worse because the crime particularly affects the less sophisticated members of the population.       

        Anybody who has somebody’s current account number can raise an open ended debit order against it and the bank doesn’t need the client’s permission to implement it. And if they want to stop it there’s no point in asking their bank to do it because they’ll be told that the only person who can is the person who originated it.

        Sharp operators phone people claiming to sell some service or other and in the process they get hold of bank account details. And the next thing the people know is that an amount is being deducted from their account each month.

        At my bank they tell me they often get clients, who are usually the poorer ones, coming in to get debit orders stopped and the only way this can be done from the bank’s side is for the person concerned to close their account and open a new one.

        With such a dubious system presumably it’s possible to have your entire account cleaned out in one go with a debit in favour of some crook with the right insider information.

       And if that were to happen no doubt the bank would say, Don't blame us. That was done through a debit order and we have no  control over those.

          WHAT A FARCICAL SITUATION. HOW CAN BANKS BE ALLOWED TO DEDUCTED MONEY FROM A PERSON’S ACCOUNT WITHOUT HAVING THAT PERSON’S CONSENT IN WRITING?

Advocate Pillay

          DON’T YOU NOTICE THESE GRAVE SHORTOMINGS IN THE BANKING SYSTEM ADVOCATE PILLAY? WHY DON’T YOU DO SOMETHING ABOUT THIS? OR DO YOU ONLY START MOVING WHEN YOU HAVE AN OFFICIAL COMPLAINT?

          IF SO YOU CAN TAKE THIS AS MY COMPLAINT.

          Disgustedly yours,

          Jon, the Consumer Watchdog

The Great Absa Credit Card Lotto

Dear Maria Ramos, Chief Executive of Absa Bank,

          Having once worked on the railways perhaps you can get your bank back on track over this one. If my experience is anything to go by every Absa credit card holder who pays his account by debit order has a period of three or four days (It’s as vague as that) in each month when his card is useless.      

 My debit order for everything I owe goes through on the 10^th of the month. The money disappears from my account but it is only reflected on my credit card a few days later.

           So while your bank is happily using my money my card is put on hold and it doesn’t matter if my credit limit is way above the amount I have just paid.

          It’s a scandal which your bank has so far done nothing  to remedy. It’s made worse by the fact that clients only find out about this after having their card declined at a shop. They are never told beforehand. 

          But for those who don't like to gamble that's not the only problem with these cards.

          I’ve had my chip. Ever since you sent me a new card with this super chip in it buying stuff with it is a nightmare. Previously my old card, which was issued in the ox-wagon age, gave me no trouble.

          They put it in the machine, I signed the slip sometimes and on other occasions nobody bothered about this formality. That’s what happens when you’ve got an honest face and good diction.

          The really important aspect was that it worked. I could pay for anything anywhere, provided of course my credit was in good standing which it always was.

           Now that the crooks have once again got a jump ahead you have forced these chips on us. This new wonder of technology not only prevents the bogy men from using my card, but it also keeps me from recklessly running up debt as well. Was that part of the master plan?

           Will it feel like working or is it having one of those days? I am constantly asking myself.

          I travel miles to buy something particular and what happens? My card goes into the machine and out pops a slip saying Please call auth centre at the top and at the bottom in capital letters it issues this warning DO NOT GIVE THE GOODS!   Will the updated ones perhaps say, Do not give the goods to this crook? On another occasion the message at the bottom was, Declined.

          Of course there is no way of telling which permutation has caused the problem when a shop keeper eyes me suspiciously. So with wonder card I still have to carry enough cash for all eventualities just in case I lose in this Absa lotto of yours. 

          Your staff told me that ignorant merchants are to blame for not processing the cards properly. If you want a really ridiculous explanation try, as I did, calling the help line at your card division.

          Having just had my card rejected for R84 at Pennypinchers I stomped into the bank and they got one of those cards at card division on the line. She explained that Pennypinchers needed to increase its authorization limit.

           But when I went back to this hardware store I was told this was the biggest load of bull they had ever heard. If their limit meant they had to get authorization for purchases as low as R84 they would be phoning card division every five minutes.

          So you badly need to issue a more plausible story for the call centre staff to use when all the other Jons come on the line. And how about getting all the merchants up to speed on how to process the thing properly? I would gladly try and teach them but I am now persona non grata everywhere.
          My impeccable reputation for being a fine upstanding citizen of considerable means has been shot to pieces.

          When I had to go into shops I pulled my mask over my face because I fully expect to see posters up around town with my mug on them saying, WANTED FOR CARD FRAUD He’s had his chips.

       Scared I’m now in hiding, heavily sedated and oh! I nearly forgot my wife left me because she says she only married me for my card.

How much money do you think a High Court judge would put on the loss of a reputation as valuable as mine????? 

          Deplorably yours,

            Jon

PS. This could be in the running for the worst of my Bad Service Awards of the month.

*   *   *

  Hallo Bic? Shouldn’t you rather stick to what you know best and that’s pens. Can you tell me the thinking behind your Big Easy razor? The pack contains a razor with a dummy plastic “blade” in it together with two razor holders with space for eight blades but two of these are empty.

             Then you tell us on the back of the pack that this first, all in one shaver is such a marvelous first that if you want more blades you have to buy another entire pack with a handle you don’t need.

            So if sales go as well as you are no doubt hoping we can expect our planet to be littered with thousands of unwanted plastic handles.

I suppose if they are the right colour you can claim to be Greening the World.

Good and Bad Banks

Hi Maria Ramos, Chief Executive of Absa Bank,

          As you may or may not know I give Good and Bad Services Awards. Unfortunately the bad far exceed the good so it’s a pleasure to be able to balance things up a bit.

          This letter is only about praise. Makes a change doesn’t it coming from the number one critic of everything under the sun.

          I must apologise for being a bit late but as my wife will tell you Last-minute-Charlie is my nickname, but this really needs to be done in time for Christmas. If you are still in a quandary as to who to give bonuses to I have the answer.

          Why not set a wonderful precedent by forgoing you usual fat bonus this year and get your fellow chiefs to do the same. Then spread the money your bank would have spent around to the most deserving employees on the ground as it were.

          In your lofty office in Johannesburg you may not be aware Maria of the exceptionally good things that are happening at the other end of the country in Cape Town’s Deep South. There the staff at your Long Beach Mall branch are a pleasure to do business with, a Great Pleasure.

          They are charming and delightful; a shining example of service at its very best. To the tellers and the staff at the inquiry counter my wife and I are not just a number. We are people who always get greeted by our names and even when we pass one of them outside the bank we can rely on getting a cheery greeting by name.

          Nothing beats being recognised especially in today’s business environment, where the personal touch has long since given way to SMSs, emails and call center voices from faceless people who wouldn’t know a customer if they saw one.

          Being a man I’m ashamed to say that all  the people I am talking about are  female. And I also have to confess that I believe that women knock spots off men if there are any Good Service Awards to be won. They are so much more caring. They would have to be otherwise my wife would not have put up with me for the last 90 years and I would have been put down at birth.

          Here are their names: Tina Goldberg, Zayaan Adam, Wendy Katnis, Berhadine Christian, Isobel Riley, Shona Herbst and Tamsyn King. And Shona is expecting a baby boy early in the new year so she needs a special bonus more that most people.

          So please do the right thing Maria and see that these ladies get what they deserve because I’m sure that their salaries fall far short of the prestige that their brand of public relations is bringing to your bank.

          Happy Christmas Bonus Paying to the Very Deserving cases.

          Regards

          Jon, a Most Impressed Client. 

*     *     *

Dear Michael Jordaan, Chief Executive of First National Bank,

          Oh Michael, I can’t believe it. You came out tops in my first Good and Bad Service Awards because of the prompt way you answered my emails. And now one of your branches has really blown it.

          But you must admit that I told you some time ago that all was not well at the FNB branch at the Long Beach Mall. I closed my FNB account after more than 20 years because of my first few experiences at this branch after I moved from Johannesburg to Cape Town about two years ago.

          Since then my wife and I have been forced to go into that branch occasionally to make deposits for other people. When I have been there the Inquiry Counter has been manned by a notice on it saying Please go to the next counter. The excuse is always that the lady is out to lunch, powdering her nose or you can take your pick.

          You would think that it would not be much of a problem to have sufficient deposit slips avail at a bank. But at this branch they are like R500 notes which our Reserve Bank hasn’t yet got around to printing.

          I was at the branch on about 10 November looking for a deposit slip. All I could find were funny bits of paper that could have been made by the manager’s five year old child as part of a school project. A woman staff member walked past me so I asked her where I could get a proper deposit slip. In keeping with the branch’s general philosophy she told me that wasn’t her job and walked away. 

          These slips would have disgusted even Monopoly players as they didn’t have a section for the name of the person I was paying.  The woman who appeared to be in charge of the branch explained to me that they kept running out of genuine deposit slips because clients walked out with piles of them so as to avoid paying for deposit books.

          Other banks I’ve dealt with don’t seem to have this problem, Michael. Could it be that your deposit books are totally over priced?

          When my wife went to the branch on 17 November the deposit slip story hadn’t changed. Only this time there was a new twist. She arrived early hoping to be one of the first in the queue to be greeted by a notice saying that as the branch would not open until after 9.30 am clients should go to the Fish Hoek branch. This just happened to be about 10 kilometers away. My wife hung around the Mall and the branch did finally open after 9.30.

          What’s going on Michael?  Surely if you run a branch on a shoestring you can only end up with all your clients walking down to the other end of the Mall where the staff at Absa bank will be only too happy to welcome them. If I’m not mistaken that bank opens at 8.0 am in the run up to Xmas.

          Sorry to spoil your Christmas, Michael,

          Yours faithfully

          Jon