Tuesday, May 29, 2012

Men blowing up the World

Dear Men,
        What do you think you are doing to our planet?
        You are busy destroying it deep sigh, after deep sigh.
        Pleas from your wives and girl friends are totally ignored. You don’t seem to realise that by continuing with your selfish behaviour you could take us all down, you men included.
        So stop it now otherwise I’ll have to put my wife Gayle onto you – all 5ft of her. And you won’t like that one bit I can tell you.
        What the devil am I talking about you will no doubt be asking.
        Well the result of a very important study has just been released. But like so many of these scientific wonders it has neglected to mention what effect men, doing much the same thing, are having on our world right now.
        In a climate change finding researchers have calculated that the farting of dinosaurs could have put enough methane into the atmosphere to warm the planet during the Mesozoic period. Of course you all know when that was.
        In case you don’t it was just the other day between 250-million and 65-million years ago. It was also known as the Age of the Reptiles and ended with another spectacular extinction.      
        All has been revealed in the publication Current Biology, which is rather odd because there is nothing current about what was supposed to have happened millions of years ago.
        Researcher Dave Wilkinson of Liverpool’s John Moores University reckons they have established by a simple mathematical model that the microbes living in dinosaurs could have produced enough methane to have had an important effect on the climate in those days.
       Methane is a greenhouse gas that has huge global warming dangers so you would think that Wilkinson and his colleagues would be better employed doing simple mathematical calculations to work out what you men are doing to the world NOW.
        Alright I accept that you are by no means the size of dinosaurs which weighed something like 20 tons, but there are of a lot more of you.
        According to my rough calculations there could be three billion of you on this planet and as any woman will tell you that amounts to one hell of a methane cloud, which will soon make us as extinct as the dinosaurs if you don’t show a lot more control.
        So put a sock in it or something.
        Don’t try saying what about you, because as my wife will tell you I know myself better than anybody and I have never, ever contributed the slightest puff to that methane cloud that you guys are so proud of.
        But I can’t say the same about Toddy, the dog in our house.
        Yours happily
Jon, a Non Farter if there ever was one.

Buy my book ‘Where have all the children gone?’ on Amazon.com  It’s a thriller with an underlying love story that defied generations of Afrikaner/English prejudice.

No comments:

Post a Comment