Saturday, August 20, 2011

Playboy babes, you aint seen nothing yet

Dear Playboy Magazine readers,
         Since I wrote something about the South African edition (Playboy Editor with a conscience & Playboy Editor speaks out), which recently got off the ground and is hopefully busy getting into the air, I’ve had an interesting email conversation with Charl (Two-plus-three-equals-Sex) du Plessis, the new Editor-in-Chief.
         Sorry Charl if I down graded you the last time to the simple Editor.
         My wife and I live 1 000 miles (miles for my American readers) away from our only great-grand-child so we often get sent pictures of the latest edition to the family who is just 18 months old.  
         Her every move is photographed. Paige is shown in the pool, cooking, sucking her dummy and generally doing what babies do. That’s what you expect from family – people with whom you have a close relationship.
         So you can imagine my surprise when after an email conversation that only began a few weeks ago Charl and I have developed such a close relationship that he has started sending me pics of his babes.
         I didn’t like to offend Charl by telling him that as quite a few members of our family are regular church goers I wouldn’t be able to circulate his pics in the same way that Paige’s ones have been doing the rounds. But he can be sure that I’ll approve of them even if my wife won’t.
         But then we all know that wives are seldom able to appreciate the finer things in life, especially if their husbands, partners or boyfriends admire them.
         What seems to have prompted Charl to start delving into his family album to select the best ones to send me was a test email I sent out by mistake after I got a new computer. He invited me to rip loose on our new edition. Would like to get feedback from someone with strong ideas about the magazine, he said. We happily take criticism from people like yourself who evidently care about us getting it right, rather than those who wish to see us go under.
        If only I had got that kind of encouragement when I was at school it wouldn’t have been necessary for the old man to keep donating sight screens for the cricket pitch to get me moved up a class.
        Charl asked me to bring the attention of my readers (What! all three of them?) to the Harley Davidson that is up for grabs in his mag’s latest competition. Are they trying to sell magazines or bikes, I wondered. And does he realise how much it costs to advertise on my blog.
         Anyway, fishing for a free copy, I replied, Us old age pensioners born at the time of the rinderpest can’t afford your mag. In any case I usually criticise things I haven’t seen. As they say about the tabloids and magazines like yours, I went on, Big tits are their best selling points.
        That did it. He replied, As for your suggested selling points, I attach a page (Not a Paige, thank goodness) from our current edition.
         And just when I was expecting to see one of those Harley what’s names I had to hurriedly close down my computer because my wife walked into the room.
         Included in this post dear readers are pics of two delightful ladies and I will leave it to you to work out which babe is a member of our family and which one belongs to the Charl clan.
         I’m not really into the prediction business, but if I was to take a stab at it I would say that our Paige is unlikely to ever grace the pages of that best selling mag of Charl’s, let alone become the Playmate of the Month or of the Year.
That’s not a reflection of what she will look like when she grows up. It’s just that if she has to be like the babe in Charl’s pic her photograph will never fit onto a Facebook page. And as her mother is currently putting a thousand images a day on there she would have to go into rehab if she couldn’t continue doing this.
Her grandfather Erick would certainly like to have that Harley what’s name. He had one once, but due to the 1929 Wall Street crash he had to go back to driving a Merc 500 or whatever they are called. But there’s nothing like freezing to death and having your wife clinging for dear life behind you, so I’m sure he would like to get back into the saddle again.
There’s just one snag.  His religious beliefs prevent him from even glancing at any skin mags especially while riding a Harley, but I’m sure he will happily bend his convictions if I was to win that Harley on his behalf.
But then I don’t want the publishers to tell me I can’t have it because Charl has made me part of his family and the rules clearly say that those on the mag and their relatives cannot enter.
Yours goggled-eyed,

P.S. You do catch something occasionally, apart from a cold, when you go fishing. Charl is sending me a free copy of that BEST SELLING MAGAZINE  that is usually sold out within minutes.

P.P.S. It looks as though I was right. You Playboy babes had better watch out. Paige has just been voted Miss Spring at her Johannesburg school.

Get my book "Where have all the children gone?" on   Amazon Kindle  It's a thriller with an underlying love story that defied generations of prejudice.

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